The End is the Beginning is the End

About two years ago, I quit my job working in the environmental consulting business and decided to go back to school. It's hard to leave a steady job and head off into the unknown, but it was especially hard when you worked for a small company with a really great boss. But Steve wasn't just a really great boss. He was a man I deeply respected.

I had been friends with his kids from church and he had volunteered with our youth group when I was an undergraduate. He heard that I was working towards my Geology degree and hired me. I wasn't all that fond of the work I was doing, but I worked hard because I didn't want to let him down. When I originally decided to quit and go back to grad school to study paleontology, he was understanding and encouraging. Then, a year later when I finally did quit to study geophysics, he supported me once again.

I saw him from time to time at various parties for his kids and our mutual friends and he was always very interested in my studies. We had some great conversations. But secretly, I felt a bit guilty when talking with him because I felt like we worked quite well together, I enjoyed working for him, and I was sad to have left that behind.

Of course, by the tone of this little narrative you can probably tell that Steve passed away recently. He leaves behind a wife, two children, and two infant grandchildren.

I typically don't get too emotional when dealing with death. Maybe that's because of my religious background, or maybe that's because I recognize that death is the ultimate destination for all life. But this particular death has caused me to pause and reflect more than usual. It could be because it was the result of a heart attack and was so sudden. Or maybe it was because Steve was in my life when I made some pretty major life decisions. But mostly, I think it is because he lived a life that you could be proud of. When I die, I can only hope that I have positively influenced so many people.

And that's what really gets me. As I get ready for the arrival of my first child in a couple of months (isn't she gorgeous), I want to become a better person. No. I need to become a better person. But the Christian faith isn't about pretending to be better than everybody else, obeying an enormous set of rules, and being "holy". It is about relationships and choosing to make other people's lives better even if it means sacrificing something in your own.

This, of course, does not come naturally. In fact, it is exactly the opposite of how we are wired to act as humans. Steve wasn't perfect. Nobody is. It's not about perfection at all. It's about knowing the kind of love that God gives and reflecting that love to other people in your life.

So as I complete my M.S. Degree, start my Ph.D. and prepare myself to teach college students about the wonders of the Geological Sciences, I remind myself that all of these things are secondary to wonder of love... true, pure and unconditional love.